How to Approach

Planning for the Future

In England a ‘Power of attorney’ is a legal document where one person (the donor) gives another person the right to make decisions on their behalf. If you want someone to act on your behalf in financial or medical decisions, you'll need to give them power of attorney over your affairs. You can only set up a power of attorney while you still have the ability to weigh up information and make decisions for yourself, known as 'mental capacity' - so it's worth putting one in place early on. (We have written about this previously on our sister website here : https://www.foxburrowgrange.org.uk/blog/lasting-powersof-attorney-care-home-colchester)

But facing such a document to complete is a daunting prospect for anyone – and this may be in part because we often shy away from conversations about death socially ... But what if talking about the end wasn't morbid, but transformative? What if embracing our mortality was, in fact, one of the most life-affirming things we could do? It would certainly help prepare for the enduring decisions that you should commit in a legal document.

At St George's Nursing Home Witham we believe that honest conversations about end-of-life planning don't just prepare us for the inevitable; they make us more ‘awake’ to our lives. By avoiding these vital discussions, we rob ourselves of one of life's most clarifying forces—the awareness that our time is finite.

Beyond the Taboo: The Clarity of Conscious Choices

Age UK annually publish a ‘State of Health and Care of Older People in England’ report – and the reality is stark - The last report estimates that 2 million people aged 65+ have unmet ‘activity of daily living’ (ADL) needs for care and support – such as:

• 10% (1.1 million) of older people have difficulty dressing

• 5% (500,000) of older people have difficulty walking across a room

• 6% (640,000) of older people have difficulty bathing

• 1% (140,000) of older people have difficulty eating

• 6% (600,000) of older people have difficulty getting in and out of bed

• 4% (440,000) of older people have difficulty going to the toilet

This disparity often stems from a lack of clear planning and communication among families. Those who experience the most peaceful, dignified passings are often those who've had ongoing conversations with their loved ones about their wishes—their values, their fears, and how they wish to be remembered. These aren't just practical discussions; they're acts of love and clarity.

Embracing mortality is one of the most life-affirming things you can do - it's about taking control, ensuring your journey reflects your deepest desires, and easing the burden on those you cherish.

A Blueprint for Peace: 10 Essential Questions

So, how do we begin these crucial conversations? It starts with asking the right questions, ideally from early adulthood and revisited as life unfolds. Think of it as creating a personalised instruction book for your loved ones, guiding them in taking care of you exactly as you wish.

Here are 10 questions that may help you to begin thinking about your end-of-life plan, and or discussing it with a loved one:

1. Who is your decision maker?

This is the most practical step. If you can't make your own healthcare decisions, who will? Designating this person ensures your wishes are honoured, preventing state intervention and providing peace of mind. Choose someone who knows you deeply and can make tough choices.

2. What's your guidance for life support?

Consider what medical treatments you would want—or prefer to be spared from—in various scenarios, like being close to death or in a coma. Even be specific about procedures, devices, and medications if you can. Remember to revisit this plan every five years or with any significant health change.

3. What makes you physically comfortable?

Dignity in death is paramount. Share explicit instructions for your comfort, from a cool cloth on your head to hand massages, all seemingly small details can make a profound difference – helping both families and palliative or end of life care team.

4. Where are the important documents?

From wills and trusts to bank accounts, investments, and even passwords, knowing where critical documents are stored—and even designating a solicitors firm - can save immense stress during a difficult time.

5. What would a good day look like for you?

This question, asked repeatedly of yourself and loved ones, can reveal surprising insights. Understanding what brings contentment allows you to maximise joyful moments, even as circumstances change. It's about living fully to the very end.

6. What possessions matter the most to you, and what do you want to happen with them?

Whether it's a museum-worthy collection or a cherished family heirloom, discussing the fate of meaningful possessions ensures they go to appreciative hands and that your legacy is honoured.

7. What do you want your funeral or memorial to be like?

While difficult, discussing your wishes for your final farewell and physical remains is crucial. It spares your loved ones the agonising burden of guessing what you would have wanted during their time of grief.

8. When you think about the future, what worries you the most?

Our fears often reveal our deepest values. Naming your anxieties—whether it's becoming a burden or dying in pain—allows your loved ones to address them and offers you immense comfort and security. Vulnerability here leads to deeper connection.

9. What kind of interactions do you want to have?

In your final moments, who do you want around you? What music? What photos? What name do you want to be called? These personal preferences ensure your last interactions are exactly as you wish, creating a serene environment.

10. What do you want your loved ones to know?

This is where you impart love, express forgiveness, or offer peace. Share your final thoughts and feelings while you still can, whether over coffee or at the dinner table. Having these conversations removes the chaos that can exist when there's no plan, ensuring a time of crisis isn't compounded by uncertainty.